Bawful After Dark: December 30, 2010

That silly Dwyane Wade... Always on the cutting edge of fashion with his crazy accessories!
If you haven't already done so, go read Bawful's stuff over at TrueHoop from today.

Quick complaint: Tomorrow is the annual rivalry grudge match between the University of Louisville and University of Kentucky basketball teams. So of course it's at noon on a weekday when I'll be at work since New Year's Eve is only a kinda sorta holiday. Great planning there, guys.

Here's an interesting NY Times piece on the "Mark Price Shooting Lab." The money quote from the article:

“I can’t think of a single guy who hasn’t improved working with us,” Kreutzer said.

Betterment cannot always be measured statistically. The season after Rondo’s graduation, his 3-point shooting declined 10 percentage points and his free-throw percentage by 2 points. His 2-point number rose by almost 2 percentage points.

This year, Rajon’s field-goal figures are improved. But his free-throw shooting has plunged to 43 percent, suggesting he may need a checkup.

So you can't measure how much better someone's shooting is by their shooting percentage? I think we need to reconsider the defintion of "better" shooting.

The best part about Tyreke the Freak's half-court buzzer beater? Check out Donte Green's reaction. He KNEW that shot was going in. What does this mean? We finally have proof that Donte Green is the real-life version of Biff Tannen. I wonder how much he wants for his copy of Gray's Sports Almanac...

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

"Don't let that beard touch me, man! It's like 180 grit sandpaper!"

"God, this is worse than watching an episode of That 80s Show"

The sadness, it is overwhelming!

Nationally Televised Games:
Knicks at Magic, TNT, 7pm: I don't know about you, but after yesterday's video, I plan on watching Stan Van Gundy's face whenever Hedo shoots a jumper. Guaranteed entertainment!

Spurs at Mavericks, 9:30pm: Dallas is one of the few teams who have cracked the code to beating the Spurs this year. Unfortunately for them, Dirk is still banged up and will not play tonight. As far as MVP talks go, doesn't Dirk need to be pretty high on that list? The Mavericks look just godawful without him most of the time.

All The Other Games:
Jazz at Frail Blazers, 10pm: File this one under "things that make no sense and threaten to destroy my brain (or at least the parts of it I still use)" -- the Utah Jazz are 6-2 on the second night of back-to-backs this season. And you could make that number 7-2 if they win tonight. DOES NOT COMPUTE. This goes against everything we've ever been taught as basketball fans.

Worst of the Night: December 20, 2010

Yeah, watching your team shoot 35% will do that to you
[Editor's note: Dan B. filling in today while Bawful takes care of some more important stuff. Consider this just a Worst of the Worst of the Night highlights post, but hey, it's still more effort than you got from the Magic last night!

The Orlando Magic: Well, so much for getting off to a running start. The Magic trotted out a brand new roster featuring Gilbert Arenas, Jason Richardson, and Hedo Turkoglu -- all of whom never even got to practice with the team before their first game -- against Atlanta last night, but it didn't matter. Seventh loss in eight games.

Things were ugly right from the start, with the Dirty Birds holding the Magic to a season low 14 points in the first quarter on a woeful 25% shooting effort. Remember, these are the same Dirty Birds that let a Celtics team giving Luke Harangody meaningful minutes drop 53% shooting on them just a few nights ago. Uh oh.

Beyond that, this was a game-long exercise in futility. The Magic also managed to toss up a variety of bricks for the entire first eight minutes of the fourth quarter, not hitting a single field goal in that entire stretch. The final total for the game was a 35.2% shooting percentage, including a 23.5% effort from downtown. The Magic were less effective than the Putty Patrol in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

The worst offender was Gilbert Arenas, coming off the bench for a 2-for-11 effort from the field. It's like Vince Carter never left! In fact, it's not like very much changed. The gameplan still revolved around relying on Dwight Howard doing his thing in the paint, and everyone else throwing up long-range jumpshots.

Speaking of the Pumaman, Dwight Howard did have a fairly solid outing, with 19 points and 20 rebounds. Though to be fair, with that many bonked jumpers, there were enough available rebounds that the Ben Wallace Inflatable Defender would have gotten four or five boards. Also looking at just the offensive boards, Brandon Bass grabbed one offensive rebound to Pumaman's five, but that doesn't sound too bad compared to the rest of the team. Those were the only two Magic players to grab ANY offensive rebounds.

Al Horford, reality check machine: "They have the same kind of team. They're shooters. They're the same team but with different players."

Stan Van Gundy, quote machine: "Look, they're out there trying hard, just none of them played well. Nobody could shoot the ball. ... I'm sure they had a lot of emotions and stuff going on. It was a long night."

The Miami Heat: And boom goes the winning streak.

SAD FACE
This was a game of runs. Both teams struggled back-and-forth through shooting woes. For example, the Heat had one trip down the floor that lasted 52 seconds and consisted of eight shots before Mario Chalmers drained a three pointer. Mike Miller started the possession with a defensive rebound, and managed to get two more offensive rebounds before it ended.

Dang.
But in the end, Dirk Nowitzki continued to do Dirk-like things and put down a 26 point line to help the Mavs win their 14th consecutive regular season game against the Heat. So much for a revenge game.

Dirk may have gone 0-for-5 in the final dozen minutes of the game, but the Heat let Jason Terry go into beast mode in the fourth quarter, with Terry scoring all 19 of his points in an 11 minute stretch of dominance. As noted in the AP recap:

Terry has spoken often about how losing to Miami in the 2006 NBA finals still upsets him.

So while shooting at the East end of the court -- the one over which the Heat championship banner softly sways -- he put on a fourth-quarter show.

So maybe we did get a revenge game out of this after all. Not quite what I had planned, but I'll take it.

Jason Terry, quote machine: (After Rick Carlisle joked at halftime that a then-scoreless Terry was "still at the hotel) "I told him I thought the bus was at 8:45, 9:00. But thanks for coming back and getting me."

LeBron James: Lebron played only a dozen first half minutes thanks to foul trouble. And during that time, he put up as many points as Yi Jianlian's chair -- zero. Yes, he came back for a 19 point effort in the second half, but that's still downright bawful for the self-proclaimed Chosen One. He only outscored Mario friggin' Chalmers by 6.

As noted by an anonymous commenter last night:

"The problem is that Wade is a weak outside shooter, Lebron is a weak outside shooter, Bosh tends not to shoot from outside 18 feet (except when the game is almost over), if Z isn't in the game, their center position is an offensive non-entity. 1 shooter is always on the court.So this leaves 4 guys to cover the same area of paint. Lebron tries to bull rush his way in and suddenly there are 2 guys waiting for him. So he takes a jumper and (more often than not) clanks it."

Also, as very succintly noted by stephanie g,

Miami's problem in a nutshell: bigs can't post, smalls can't shoot.

And this pretty well sums it up. LeBron's lack of post moves limit him to shooting long twos or driving the lane, but when everybody's just standing around and nobody's commanding close coverage behind the arc, LeBron doesn't really have room to drive to the hoop, and the result is a mid-range jumper clanking off the side of the rim from any of the five guys on the court.

No Ring King perhaps said it best in the comments this morning:

Asking LeBron to post up is like asking Vince Carter to be aggressive or Andray Blatche to stop thinking he's a point guard. It makes complete sense and everyone else in the world can see it, but it's never going to happen.

NBA.com, stat curse machine: As noted by Preveen in BAD comments,

I call major statcurse. Quote: "16 -- Uh-oh. Maybe they are good. The Heat just have to finish up 52-1 to still break the Bulls' record of 72 wins. Who's gonna beat them?"

Dammit!

Don't lose hope! Now they just need to finish 52-0! They can still do it!!

ESPN's headline writers: As noted by Karc in BAD comments,

Stupid headline from ESPN: "Dirk, Mavs conspire to snap Heat's streak at 12."

Conspire, really? A 22-4 team needed some sort of advanced trickery to beat a team they already beat on the road weeks before? A team with 8 losses against good teams winning one on the road against a good team was supposed to happen, I guess.

Seriously, Jason Terry lit up the Heat in the 4th. Can't that be the headline. You know, something clever like "JET blows by/burns the Heat." But no, ESPN's chosen wang-sucking team needed a good team to CONSPIRE to beat them.
(Eh, my bad, Miami was the home team. But I stand by the rest of my stuff.)

Come on, now. Of course the Mavs "conspired" to beat the Heat. Those jobbers went against the NBA's script! Don't worry, I'm sure Stern will, ahem, take care of things shortly.

Chris's Lacktion Report:

Jazz-Cavs: Francisco Elson found that two boards and one field goal made in 11:32 do not stand in the way of a ledger spot - not when you get 5 fouls for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Fellow bebopper Ronnie Price bricked once from the Terminal Tower in 5:04 and also lost the rock for a +2 suck differential.

For Cleveland, Jamario Moon eclipsed his teammates by bricking twice and fouling once in 7:11 for a +3. Manny Harris and Samardo Samuels (despite a board by the latter) each spent 38 seconds head-to-head on their rectangular gray gamepads as MARIO BROTHERS!

Bobcats-Generals: Nazr Mohammed went 50% from the field...only to litter his 9:44 with four fouls, a rejection, and a turnover for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Also earning a ratio was DeSagana Diop, dropping three fouls and two giveaways in 17:23 against one field goal and two boards for the same 5:4 as Mohammed.

Washington's Hilton Armstrong checked into the Watergate Hotel with four fouls and a giveaway (despite 100% from the stripe in two tries, and two boards) in 12:50 to be the third player with a 5:4.

Suns-Spurs: Ime Udoka united with Toad and Yoshi in 16 seconds for a Mario.

Bucks-Frail Blazers: Armon Johnson hammered out a foul in 3:10 for a +1.

Wolves-Clippers: Darko Milicic was manna tonight for Minnesota - if one feeds off of appearances in the lacktion report, as despite a block in 4:43 as starting big man, he fouled twice for a 2:0 Voskuhl. Sebastian Telfair blasted out a brick and rejection in 2:57 for a +2.

Belated Weekend Lacktion Report:
Friday:

Cavs-Pacers: Ryan Hollins had an amazing 129 seconds of fail - one brick, one rejection, one turnover AND two fouls for a +5 suck differential and a 3:0 Voskuhl!

Heat-Knicks: Joel Anthony went 100% from the field (in one shot in 20:23) and also had two boards, only to foul four times and lose the rock once for a 5:4 Voskuhl. Celebrating as well were Eddie House with one turnover in 4:11 for a +1, and Jamaal Magloire, who in 2:56 gave up the rock twice and foul once for a +3 that also netted a 3:0 Voskuhl.

For New York, Ronny Turiaf treated himself to one rebound in 4:01, but also turned out to be in possession of one foul and one giveaway for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Bobcats-Hawks: Matt Carroll walked into a lacktion wonderland after a foul in 3:26 for a +1, while Zaza Pachulia came within 2 fouls of earning himself some wealth, only to end up with a +2 in 2:12 that also notched a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Clippers-Pistons: Jarron Collins jaunted into the underground floor of a dark castle for 57 seconds to earn a Mario.

Jazz-Hornets: David Andersen tossed a brick in 3:09 and added one foul for a +2 that notched a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Purple Paupers-Thunder: Royal Ivey can now re-upholster his throne with the finest gold after collecting a celebratory 1.8 trillion (1:48)!

Grizzlies-Rockets: Brad Miller scrappily had an assist and block in 12:22, only to brick thricely (twice from the stripe) and foul three times too for a 3:0 Voskuhl. Patrick Patterson clutchly fouled once in 3:08 for a +1.

Suns-Mavs: Brian Cardinal clearly had the same insider tips that Mark Cuban had, as evidenced by a 2 trillion (2:01) capital gain!

Wolves-Frail Blazers: Nikola Pekovic pounced on pesos with a 2 trillion (2:01), while for the infirmary by the Willamette, Joel Przybilla provided a +2 in 8:29 via foul and giveaway also worthy of a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Saturday:

Sixers-Magic: Spencer Hawes had himself one successful shot (out of 7) in 25:46 as starting center for Philadelphia...only to lose the rock twice and foul out for a 8:4 Voskuhl.

Heat-Generals: Lots of Wii access in Washington as Eddie House celebrated with a castle rescue mission for 7 seconds for a Super Mario, while Alonzo Gee gathered up toadstools in 33 seconds for a regular Mario.

Clippers-Bulls: Jarron Collins claimed one foul in 3:33 for a +1 and a Madsen-level Voskuhl.

Chicago's Kurt Thomas tenderly took down a trio of boards and a field goal and free throw in 16:14...only to foul out and lose the rock once for a 7:6 Voskuhl.

Jazz-Bucks: Ronnie Price is right after a 5 trillion (5:02) for the beboppers, accompanied by a 45-second riff in Mario Paint from Kyrylo Fesenko. Despite one made shot, Jon Brockman gave the Bucks 27 seconds under the scope of a laughing dog for a Mario.

Grizzlies-Spurs: Hasheem "The 2nd Overall Dream" Thabeet took one foul in 2:10 for a +1 and a Madsen-level 1:0 Voskuhl.

Tiago Splitter divided his statline between positive (two assists) and negative (1 foul) in 8:07 for a 1:0 Madsen-level Voskuhl of his own.

Wolves-Nuggets: Melvin Ely made one board in 2:39, but negated it with two fouls for a 2:1 Voskuhl.

Sunday:

Pacers-Celtics: Avery Bradley played the game of lacktion life tonight by bricking thricely (twice from the stripe) in 5:32 for a +3.

Von Wafer continues to collect enough for a round trip on the Masachussetts Turnpike after a 1.55 trillion (1:33).

Hawks-Nyets: Zaza Pachulia couldn't hold on to the rock tiwce and fouled once in 2:26 for a +3 and a 3:0 Voskuhl, while for New Jersey, Johan Petro countered a perfect shooting percentage (on one shot) in 3:01 and a board with three fouls and a giveaway for a 4:3 Voskuhl.

Hornets-Pistons: Quincy Pondexter pointed at one foul in 4:07 for a +1, while David Andersen can account for his finances after an exact 2.2 trillion (2:12).

Suns-Thunder: Serge Ibaka slotted himself in Oklahoma City's starting big man spot, earning 11:26 of hardwood time...in which he bricked twice and also fouled and lost the rock once each for a +4 that doubled as a 2:0 Voskuhl.

Worst of the Night: December 9, 2010

Dwight needed a hug after the way his team quit on him last night.
The Philadelphia 76ers: Good teams find a way to win, right? Well, here at Basketbawful, we prefer to say that bad teams find a way to lose.

Enter the world of the Philadelphia 76ers.

Yeah, yeah, I know. They'd won four of their last five games. Excuse me for not being all that impressed by victories over the Nyets, Frail Blazers (during their six-game losing streak), Bobcraps and Cavaliers.

Facing a Celtics team that was playing on the road on the second night of back-to-back games without their first, second and third-string centers, the Sixers gave it everything they had. As long as you don't consider "putting a hand in a face" a part of "everything." Boston lit Philly up: 56 percent from the field and 58 percent from beyond the arc. I mean, it really did look like the C's got pretty much whatever shots they wanted.

Semih Erden -- the starting center by default -- was 2-for-2.

Still, the Sixers were persistent and the Celtics just couldn't shake them. There were 14 lead changes in the fourth quarter. It pissed me off. I'm guessing that was how Lakers fans felt on Wednesday night when it took a last second shot to pull out a win against the Clippers.

The Celtics followed the same script. Or maybe they were emulating the Milwaukee Bucks from their win against the Pacers. Eh, whatever. What happened was this. Andre Iguodala hit a running hook shot with 6.6 seconds left to give Philly a 101-100 lead. Boston responded...like this:


I know it wasn't easy. I know that. But damn if Philly's defense didn't make it look easy. Nobody ever even touched Kevin Garnett on that play.

The Sixers had 1.4 seconds left to counter, but KG stole the inbounds pass. Well, okay, it was thrown right to him. Game over.

Said Garnett: "Rajon threw a perfect pass and I just banked it. The crazy part about all that is that I messed that play up so many times in practice. It's only right that the basketball gods gave it to me tonight."

The sound you just heard was the basketball gods going "whaaaaaa...?"

Added Doc Rivers: "We worked on that last week. We tried to run it early and had bad timing. It's just funny how things work out. It's a low-clock play. The ball's in the best passer's hands, and you have shooters on the floor. The whole sell was Paul Pierce and it worked."

Said Doug Collins: "What a heartbreaking loss. To play so hard and so well. That Celtics team is so good, so well-coached, and they have so many different ways that they can attack you on the offensive end. It was just a shame. It would have been an incredible win for us here. We had a great crowd tonight, and we had some good plays. I just feel so badly for our guys."

Doug Collins, pre-game quote machine: Maybe this was why the Sixers kept things so close: "I'm hoping our guys are going to take this as a great chance to see how exciting it is to be on TNT, and obviously I'm selling TNT here a little bit."

Reggie Miller, quote machine: From Basketbawful reader Bryan: "Quality announcing by Reggie Miller after Ray Allens 3-pointer with a minute to go: 'You dont leave him wide open on a wide open 3-pointer.'"

The New Jersey Nyets: Nyets-Mavericks was more human interest story than basketball game. Avery Johnson made his emotional return to Dallas. There were hugs and handshakes and, for all I know, pre-game handjobs all around. But all the lovey-dovey feelings didn't make the Nyets not the Nyets, you know?

New Jersey -- minus rookie Derrick Favors (bruised thigh) and forced to play the final three quarters without Devin Harris (sprained shoulder) -- fell behind by as many as 18 points in the second quarter and by as many as 21 early in the second half. Then the Nyets got aggressive and went to the line 18 times in the third quarter. Yeah, you read that correctly. It was like a case of road cookin'.

I guess the officials felt sorry for Avery. He is coaching New Jersey after all.

Anyway, the Nyets got the deficit down to single digits (81-73) early in the fourth quarter, but I think we all knew how this was going to end, right? When your opponents shoots 55 percent to your 41 percent, and you're the New Jersey Nyets, the outcome is practically preordained.

Screamed Johnson: "IT WAS PRETTY EMOTIONAL. A LOT OF FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE HERE TONIGHT...BUT IT WAS GOOD SEEING SOME OF THE GUYS."

The Nyets are now 6-17. They've lost six in a row and 11 straight on the road. And their next game is against the Lakers. Sorry, guys.

As for the Mavs, they're now 18-4 and have an interesting five-game stretch coming up: Utah, Milwuakee, Portland, Phoenix and then at Miami.

The Orlando Magic: The Magic and Pumaman versus the Frail Blazers and the Ghost of Greg Oden. Now guess which team outrebounded the other 47-40 (including 13-6 on the offensive glass) and had a 50-34 scoring edge in the paint?

The Frail Blazers of course.

Mount Saint Howard erupted all over the Frail Blazers last night: 13-for-20 from the field, 13-for-18 from the line, 39 points, 15 rebounds, 3 blocked shots and a steal. To bad his teammates didn't make the trip to Portland with him. Jameer Nelson, Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter combined to go 10-for-36 from the field and 3-for-13 from downtown. Quentin Richardson played 18 scoreless minutes. Brandon Bass scored zero points in 13 minutes. Chris Duhon -- Orlando's key offseason acquisition -- finished with 2 points and 2 assists in 16 minutes.

Etc.

According to the AP recap: "Magic coach Stan Van Gundy sequestered his team behind closed doors well after the game."

Ooo, I bet that was fun.

Said Van Gundy: "We have to play the game better, and we have to play it with a lot more energy, alertness and cohesiveness."

Countered Howard: "You can't coach energy. You can't coach hard work. It comes from a player. If you don't want to play hard, you've got to sit down and let somebody else step up."

I'm not sure whether he said that while looking directly at Vince and Rashard, but he probably should have.

The Magic have now lost three in a row after winning six straight. They still have a decent record...but they just don't look very good. Carter and Lewis

Ron Artest, charitable quote machine: On his plan to donate "either all or some" of his 2010-11 salary to charities to benefit mental health awareness: "It's fun, it's exciting. It's almost like a basketball game because it's that exciting. It feels like dunking on somebody, and I don't dunk much. It's just exciting and it's weird. It's a weird excitement. It's not like fun and games because it's a real issue, but for me, it's exciting to be a part of. It's going to make an impact. It will snowball. It will have a domino effect later. It will have a domino effect real, real soon once people see exactly what's going on."

I hope those snowballs domino for you, Ron. I really do.

Bonus stats: Two Lakers are in the Top 10 in Win Shares: Pau Gasol and...Lamar Odom. Two Heat players are also in the Top 10: LeBron James and...Chris Bosh.

Newsflash: The Knicks are winning by scoring. Now here's the bad news I've been talking about: The Knicks have had the second-easiest schedule so far this season. They have the second-toughest schedule the rest of the way.

Chris's TNT Thursday Lacktion Report:

Magic-Frail Blazers: Marcin Gortat had exactly 5 minutes to drop a rebound and assist...only to raise Stan Van Gundy's blood pressure some with a brick, two turnovers, and a foul for a 3:1 Voskuhl.

For Portland, Patrick Mills churned out a pair of bricks from Pioneer Courthouse Square and lost the rock once there for a +3 suck differential in 5:10, while Sean Marks made 2.4 trillion (2:24) worth of celebratory moolah!